Good mornig, people.
I had a great time in La Crosse gabbing and gabbing and gabbing with Deborah, my former roomie. We went to the food co-op's cafe for lunch with her partner, Alice. Lunch was awesome. Deb and I shared lemon chiffon cake that was to die for. I was prepared! I had a pear for breakfast - that's it. (I KNOWW!) I ate a Ruben sandwich I suspect was made w/"healthy" corned beef. YUM. and a tabouleh salad. Supper was really light as well here at home.
I bought the BL Quick Start book and already have to tweak. Naturally I forgot to take it in the supermarket with me. But I did okay.
Breakfast is one egg, one egg white, a 100 cal. bread thing, a wedge of laughing cow, and a pear. I already can't remember what lunch is supposed to be - but that means I'm not obsessed about the food. I'm sure I'll have to tweak again anyway.
It's 32* right now, on the way to 50. I will be walking the dogs after breaky. I will probably go for an hour, if the bike trail isn't still totally iced up. I don't relish the thought of slip-sliding away. (LOL) I have a lot of house cleaning and laundry to do. I want to wash some bedding and get it on the clothes line - hugh will like that. I am determined to get this house clean today. It always is in a state of chaos, and I'm sick of it.
I have another lead on a home gym thing. I want to look at that today, but I want my brother to go with me. He is not out of bed yet. He works 2nd shift, so his internal clock works differently.
Something I realized this morning is that I have it in my head that people from my past probably don't like me. I am certainly very likeable. I'm funny, clever, and smart. But I have this guilt thing about what I may have done to hurt other people from my pasat. I have this stupid irrational idea that I've hurt lots of people and they've carried their hurt around for years. But, you know what? I'm the one who has been hurt and is carrying around the baggage. Yeah. Crazyiness.
I've been reconnecting with people from 10-20 years ago, and they seem okay with me. I'm always a little careful because I have this crazy guilt. It's coming to me that I've got not so much to feel bad about. Has this guilty baggage been weighing me down all these years? Yikes. I need to let it go. I have had some glimmers of really good good times lately, and I need to learn to embrace those. Perhaps this all goes back to my need to live in fear. I've come a long way, but I can see that I have a long way to go still.
Okay - dogs are...dogging me...to go walking. They can tell, apparently, that that is next. Or they can read.....
Who am I to know.
ha ha
Make it a great day!
An Expensive Egg
1 day ago
9 comments:
Glad you had a good visit! Good luck on the Quick start!
The coincidence of this post with my own life situation is crazy! I have recently been reconnecting with old college roommates, high school buddies, and former co-workers (thank you Facebook).
All these years I have thought none of them probably ever thinks of me, or if they do, it is to remember what an asshole I was. I too have huge feelings of guilt as to how I may have treated people in the past. I grew up a very sad and miserable girl. I felt crabby and mean on the inside so I assumed others saw me that way as well.
Turns out not to be true. Most people have been happy to reconnect, sharing their memories of me as the person who always made everyone laugh.
It's kind of sad the warped image we can get of ourselves.
I've been stopping in to read your blog on a fairly regular basis and saw you mention LaCrosse. I love LaCrosse! My hubby and I were taking a car trip across the midwest and stayed there one night this summer and ran across the Shrine to the Lady of Guadalupe.
I can relate to your issues with the past...the guilt and the fear. You are brave for addressing these issues and not letting your old "baggage" hold you back.
Glad I found your blog. I will make sure to visit again.
Im so surprised to read, Linda. Only in that you are *so* easy to like. to talk to. to be around. (and trumped manymanymany I met that same weekend in ALL those regards)
that said, I know you know that deep down (hope you know that?) and will be reminded repeatedly as you reconnect with people.
xo xo,
Miz.
My craziness isn't in thinking that I hurt others. But in thinking that no-one liked me way back when.
I also used to think that I'd burned bridges in my past, but lately I've been wondering about that... Maybe I wasn't as bad as I thought!
I think you hit it exactly right, Linda. It is really hard to internally understand that not everyone perceives, experiences, and reacts to the world the same as ourself
So glad to hear you had a great time in La Crosse.
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