Sunday Check in

Yesterday was soup day. I made a 2 point soup and ate a lot of it. I also made yummy jello recipe given by WW leader: 6 oz SF/FF cherry jello, 1 can lite cherry pie filling, 12 oz. diet Dr. Pepper, 1 1/2 C boiling water. Prepare jello using water. Then add in Dr. Pepper and cherry pie filling. It was really good. I think she said it is 2 points/ serving. Well, with all the veggies and jello I ate, I still went over points. I found myself obsessing about eating. I ate a lot of that soup - a lot. And I ate when I was not hungry. I felt driven to eat eat eat. I found some holiday treats lying around that my niece didn't take with her back to college. I am boxing up what Hugh doesn't want and sending them all to her. Clearly I can't have that stuff in the house. I didn't binge on that stuff, but I did indulge. I binged on soup. But it's still bingeing. Not that I sat around all day long. I played on the Wii Fit for an hour. I also did a Sansone ball pilates workout thing. My arms are killing me today. Something worked! And I drank a ton of water, coffee, tea, and soda, so I logged a couple miles walking just getting to the bathroom.


I'm working with the therapist on dealing with my relationship w/Hugh's father. I have lived in fear for 10 years that he and his wife are going to try to get custody of Hugh. This is semi-irrational, but I live with it every day. Well, last night I got a call from him wanting to know if they could have Hugh NY'sDay which is an extra day. It's not so that the father can spend time with Hugh - he has to work. And he has to work Friday. Whatever the truth is of wanting him a day early, it has to do with convenience first, and expecting me to cater to them. Well, I said no. Then it got ugly. See, they had Hugh noon Christmas Day thru this weekend. BUT they left Hugh with grandparents yesterday because they are going to a football game today. (they did the same thing less than a month ago because they had football tickets the weekend they were to have Hugh. SAME THING!) So...when he went into his standard whine about how I have Hugh all the time and why can't we have him an extra day, I was a little irritated. So I pointed out that when they do have him, they don't spend time with him and it seemed odd that they'd expect an extra day. I did offer something that I could agree to, but that wasn't good enough because I didn't give them what they wanted.

Okay - yes, I have Hugh 24/7 for the majority of the time. I get that. But it's not all shits-and-giggles up in here. Having him 24/7 blesses me with the majority of the responsibility and cleaning up the mental aftermath of having spent time with them and being rejected and micromanaged. How can I explain why they get football tickets on weekends they are to be with Hugh, and never get a ticket for Hugh? And why should I have to explain it? They treat Hugh like a commodity to be shuffled around at their convenience. As you all parents out there know, being a parent is not about convenience - ever! I have given up a great deal of myself to be the best possible parent I can be. We don't have a fancy house, or fancy vehicles, or fancy camper, or take fancy vacations - we keep it simple, and real, and loving, and laughing, and fun. We talk about everything and anything. We explore new stuff. We play together. That boy is my priority for the next probably 10 years or so...And I feel that maybe I am entitlee to a little respect and entitled to say no if that's what the answer is. Another thing that came up in conversation is that all we do here is sit and play video games...and apparently all we eat is fast food because that constantly is thrown in my face. You readers know that I'm always up to some kind of activity with that Hugh...our days of sitting and playing vids are few and far between anymore. But I'm a terrible mother and role model as far as they are concerned.

So I am stressed over this. My brain is going thru all the "what-ifs" of pissing off the father. If I could find Dude's business card, I'd call Dude-therapist for a little reinforcement. The hard part here is forcing myself NOT to feed the anxiety. I almost wish I was one of those people who gets nauseated at stress rather than ravenous.

Okay - I've vented. This is just one of many reasons I dislike the holidays. It can't just be simple and conflict free. Ohhhhhhhh, no.

Well, I'm out. Going out for breakfast w/my BGF from Atlanta who is in town for the holidays. TTFN.