I seem to have hit my first wall.
I know that this is a particularly stressful time of year for me because I am a yearbook adviser at my school. This year my sweet, precious children seem to be particularly relaaxed in their approach to finishing the job. we have 15 pages "done" and need 32. We have about 8 days left to get that done. Did I say "we"? Silly me - I that much time. If you've never worked with teenagers, you may not be able to relate. Let me tell you - we are raising a mess. Enabled, entitled, assuming someone else will take care of their needs. They are right. I cannot sit and wait for them. Waiting costs us money. We don't have much money to piss away on missed deadlines. So I have to do their job as well as mine. And take pictures and prep them and load them. And build pages and write captions and proof read.
Stress is why I come home and want to eat everything in sight and not do my walking. I know better - of course I know better. But choosing between snacking and watching TV instead of exercising is a no-brainer. I'm too pooped to do much of anything at night right now. But I know I should do something. It's feeling like I have to "make myself" exercise that I don't like. And "making myself" eat wisely is too much like work right now, too.
I was hoping I wouldn't need my next counselling session, but I had better go. I need ways out that don't involve eating or smoking or something else that is detrimental to my health. A mom at Hugh's school just had gastric by-pass surgery. The did it arthroscopically, and she is doing really well. She feels good and will go back to work in another week. She hasn't been sick at all. She's doing fine eating what she can eat. I tell ya...it sure is tempting to think of exploring that as an option for myself.
The hard thing is that I know the surgery will help the physical, but I feel that I need to heal the mental just as much. Maybe I need it more than the physical.
I see there IS a full moon. Maybe that explains my run of frustrating events of late.
~~~~sigh~~~
Anyone care to remind me - nicely please - why I'm bothering to try losing weight? It seems like too huge a feat for mere mortal me. I'm feeling bearish - curling up in a warm, quiet den sounds good to me right now.
Hugs to you my friends.
An Expensive Egg
1 day ago
6 comments:
That was a rhetorical question, right? If not, "it's because you want to be healthy and feel great," she says with a smile.
Feeling your pain on the yearbook end. I remember when my step-daughter was on yearbook committee in 7th and 8th grade. The kids actually did take it seriously and put in weekends to meet the deadlines. She was so stressed out, I wondered why she volunteered to do it again in 8th grade. She said it was fun. AND, they did put out a great end product. I hope your group pulls up their boot straps (or in this case, maybe snow boot straps and/or snow shoes).
Good luck.
I wake up at 4:30 every morning and run 5 miles
I work 12-14 hours a day, 6 days a week
I come home, and as tired as I am, I spend time with my wife.
You are asking if it is worth it??
:) 150% yes!
Pretty soon, it will not be a "job", it will be living.
Your Friend,
Tony
there is the million dollar question right there! Why do it? I struggle with that everyday when the easier, cheaper, tastier, lazier options are always available...if not begging to be choosen over the struggle.
There are hundreds of reason to lose weight, but some days its seems like they don't matter.
When I struggle to come up with one - I have two words for myself... Zombie Invasion!... "I need to do this because if there was a zombie invasion right NOW... I wouldn't make it!!"
:D
Hey Linda, I sure can relate to everything you are feeling in regards to eating and exercising. I have felt all those things. Right now, I seem to be 'in a groove' regarding its easy making food choices, eating less. Even exercising, something I want to do most days. I say 'in a groove' because I know I might start feeling differently soon. But I am hopeful that now approaching 4 years since I started this, that this is a new phase where making better food choices is the norm for my life.
Don't get me started on gastric bypass surgery. I have one friend who has lost some, but then is stuck because she never changed her eating habits (less, but not different food) I know another who weighs more now than when she started, and another who became an alcoholic after she had the surgery. Not a fan of the GBS.
I'm glad you realize you have to heal the mental as well as the physical. But even if there wasn't a mental component, there is still so much work involved in learning new ways to eat and move.
This is just a little set-back. Give yourself some grace, and just start again tomorrow.
Linda,
I feel like I know you! You have inspired me in the past weeks when you have kept up your exercising so well. Please don't give up now. I think winter seems hard, when it's so cold, but please stick to it; it's worth it. I'm excited about what you've done so far and how you lost over Thanksgiving even. It's a rough patch, please stick to it; you won't regret it. Some weeks are harder than others and you'll be so proud of yourself after you get through this time successfully. I know you have it in you.
Linda, not to go all new-agey on you, but meditation helps when I get to this point. It's not a quick fix, but when you can't "make" yourself exercise or make the choices you know are healthy, some sitting to clear your head will help. Don't get frustrated if your head doesn't feel empty; that doesn't mean it's not working or you're not doing it right. It's like cleaning a closet: everything has to come out and get sorted through, and at first it just looks like you're making a bigger mess, but a functional closet is so much handier to live with than an overstuffed and messy one, isn't it? If you keep after that goal of an empty closet you can put back together the way you want, everything will come out and you can choose to hold onto only what you want.
Just focus on your breathing and on making space for yourself. You'll get distracted by thoughts about the yearbook kids and Hugh and weigh-ins and everything else, but don't let it worry you, just acknowledge that's all with you and get back to your breath and letting yourself have some space.
I like to do a little stretching first to help me relax into it and not be restless while sitting. If you get uncomfortable sitting, it's OK to do some stretching while you're thinking about your breathing until you feel comfortable again. Another pointer from a big girl with occasional knee trouble: use pillows or cushions to support your knees, and back up to a wall or the side of the bed or sofa if it helps your back.
From one 40-something single-mom to another: GOOD LUCK! You're doing great. (and I love the blog)
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