PMS - Oh how I abhor thee.

Every month it's something a little different. Sometimes I'm so tired I can't function. Other times I have raging headaches. Sometimes I crave sweets. Next time I crave spicey. This month? Carbs and salt. Example: eating a whole tall canister of BBQ pringles on Friday and a whole tall canister of sour cream and onion Pringles yesterday. Is that normal for me. Hell no! I have read a lot of blogs about bingeing, and I recognize that I don't really binge as part of whatever disorder I own. There are times when I eat too much, but I've never been one to sit down and eat an entire quart of ice cream or a whole package of Little Debbies. The weird thing here is that I have other chips in the house - I haven't touched them. It's the Pringles I "needed" the last two days.

My control is weird. I had breakfast burritos from Mc.D's yesterday for breakfast. Just the burritos - no combo. After Hugh's game I went to the gym. The whole time I was working out I was fantasizing about going to KFC for a bucket of fried chicken, extra crispy, all dark meat. Well, I went to KFC and got a wrap with grilled chicken and coleslaw for the side. My rational healthy me was in charge at that moment. I still wanted the real thing, but I chose a lesser evil.

Dinner last night came after the canister of chips and a good nap - the carbs kicked my butt. I suppose I had PMS tiredness as well. I had two pieces of top sirloin to use up from a quick trip to the butcher last Sunday. I sauteed and carmelized a great big onion. Then I pan-fried the steak in its own juices with a bit of olive oil. All good until I added the butter...apparently I was on auto pilot in the kitchen. I ate all of the steak - probably 12 ounces or a pound, I don't know. Ate all of the onions and a big serving of angel hair pasta. That's my kind of binge. Did I "need" the pasta? Of course not, but my PMS did. So I fed it. Was it a binge? Seems like it. And where were the veggies? Onions are a veggie. *grin*

The truth of it is that I do, too, binge, but in a "it's a meal" format. So I rationalized it that way, don't I. (Insert forehead slap and Homer Simpson "doh!" right here.)

Ouch.

I know what I needs to be doing: I needs to be logging my calories again and cutting myself off when I reach my magic number.

I hates logging my calories. It gives me stress, even when I've been vigilant and know I'm okay for the day. Maybe that's why I'm hedging on the WW thing. I don't want to have to keep track of this shit. I just want to eat like a thin person w/out the hassle.

Oh, another PMS think I hate is the emotional roller coaster. It's been a rough week with that. I wanted to resign my commission as a parent on Thursday. Hugh says he needs me. Dammit. *wink* But I get on the edge sometimes and just blow. It sucks.

Went to family counseling on Friday, and the guy thinks I may have depression. I told him it's PMS, cuz the other 2.5 weeks of the month I am pretty much okay. He let me off with a warning this time. I tried Prozac once a few years ago because I was just so down and tired all the time. Turns out it was sleep apnea. Once I got that diagnose, things got better. Then breaking up with the ex-BF helped even more. I don't want to medicate my emotional whatever. I want to deal with it and grow.

So what can I do today to undo the ugly from the last two days?
1. Get off my butt for one thing. I've been reading here for like 4 hours, give or take. I need to go work out or something.

2. Eat smart. Perhaps I can treat this like I am rotation calories to trick my metabolism. IDK. But I'll try it. Certainly it can't hurt, right?

Okay - that's enough for now. I've vented and confessed. LOL

I'm off. Perhaps I'll spend some time with Ms. Leslie Sansone. Bob Harper is around here somewhere - we could bond over some butt kicking cardio circuit training.

TTFN