It's My Journey, Too.

Oh my goodness, look at me with my very own blog.

I am Linda. I have been overweight since puberty slammed into me at around 11 years old, and I've been struggling and fighting and living with it forever. At 43 years old, I am actually waging what I hope is the final major war with obesity. I stand about 5'5" and weigh 290. My highest weight was about 320, but I'm guessing. My lowest was around 280 and that was several years ago.

I am a single mom of a 9 year old boy. Been single since day one with random support and interference from the other parental unit. That relationship has been a frequent stressor for me over the last 9 years. But when I look at my sweet boy, it's all worth it. My other kids are fur kids - 2 dogs and 7 cats. I know...

I am a public school teacher. I teach high school English at a very small school so I have to teach everything from English 9 to junior college prep to creative writing, poetry, Shakespeare, War Lit, American novels. It's a lot to know. There are times when I think I would be better off at a different school or doing something else, but with my masters and 11 years experience it would be hard to get a job in a different school cuz I'm too expensive (more than a new grad or one with just a BS.) I also can't imagine what I would do instead.

I do a lot of reading of blogs. I enjoy reading other people's insights. Strangely enough, I sometimes envy the blogging ability of these folks. I teach English. I am a good writer. What's up with me? The thing is that I have lived much of my life driven by fear. I haven't blogged until now because I fear that I have nothing to contribute that will help anyone else. Maybe it's a middle child thing - I only ever got negative attention growing up. Ironically I am the most successful of my siblings.

Last spring I realized fully just how fear has been running me. I hate that! So it is something I have been working on. I joined a fitness place and workout as often as possible - strength at least 2 times a week and cardio most other days. Unfortunately this last month has been a little crazy, and I've done some backsliding. However, come August things are going to get much much better. And with August being only a week away - there ya go. I was really afraid of joining the gym. At nearly 300 pounds, I feared people staring and laughing at me. I feared I wouldn't be able to do it. The great news is that I can do it. For three months I've been doing it. I'm making great progress. I LOVE strength training. I like the treadmill. I've met some great people. No one has laughed at me even once - except when I was getting instruction for using the treadmill and later almost lost my footing and went down big...but that was day 1 (and it was funny.)

Fear does run me a lot: yesterday I had to pick up my son and knew there was road construction. I went way out of my way on this trip because I was afraid to go right up and into the construction to see what was possible with the roads. On the return trip, my sweet boy at my side, I drove right up to the end of the line. I had to do a crazy turn around, but I found a quicker more direct route to get around the construction. How much time would I have saved (and gas and mileage) if I'd had the nerve to do that in the first place? Ugh! Fear! Ugh!

I just had my 25-year high school reunion. It was so much fun! People talked to me. People were nice to me. People wanted to know what was new. People told me I look great. One guy told me I look better now than in high school. I could have taken that as a slam, but I knew what he meant. (Hey, we was poor folks!) What a nice weekend. Oh, that's where my blog name came from: I look so good where some folks maybe don't because FAT DON'T WRINKLE! Let the wrinkles come over time as I get the weight off, but for now I'll take the positive side.

Let me leave you with my newest favorite thing to eat:

1 can black beans
1 can red beans
1 can white beans
1 can corn
1 green pepper cut up fine
1/2 medium red onion or about 10 red onions cut up fine
2 big cloves crushed garlic
1/4 cup cider vinegar
"some" olive oil
salt, pepper, red pepper to taste
chopped cilantro - how much depends on how you like the taste of it
juice of one lime
1 tablespoon sugar (just to take the edge off, I like me some sweet edge)

(I cook by guess and by gosh, so be brave here)

Open canned stuff and poor in colander. Rinse. Throw everything into a bowl or storage container, stir, chill.

That's it. Okay, you can eat this with tortilla chips. I found some really good white meat chicken chunks on sale at the store last week and added chicken to this and ate it like a salad. High in fiber, low in fat, but highly gaseous! It's delicious and filling and healthy.

Welcome to my world where fat don't wrinkle, and I do have something to say.